Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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