i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
