I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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