And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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