I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
