Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
