Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
