Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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