You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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