how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
