If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
