hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
