I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
