I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
