I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
