You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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