Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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