maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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