i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?"Ā¯ and "Why tacos?"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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