I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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