...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
