Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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