Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
