and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
