Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
