Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
