I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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