He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
