you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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