omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Someone came in the potted fern
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
