Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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