Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
