u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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