apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
