Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
