My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
