I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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