Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Randomize
