did you get engaged???
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
