I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
