Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
