idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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