...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
