You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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