Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
