I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
