What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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