Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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