I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
