he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
