My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
