I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
