We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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